Living Consciously

    I am almost a month away from completing one year without alcohol. As time goes on, I have come to understand that going alcohol-free for me has also been making the choice to live consciously. Eleven months in, and I thought I'd share a few observations I have about this path...

1. Choosing to live consciously- meaning to NEVER numb out- is definitely a challenge to set for yourself. It is for sure akin to climbing a huge mountain. It requires emotional, mental and physical strength, stamina, fortitude, determination and a willingness and okayness to stand out from the crowd. It's a big deal and people who choose to live like this all the time are brave people indeed. 

2. We who choose this path in a world that encourages distraction, escapism and numbing out are in the minority. While climbing this particular mountain, sometimes it is a lonely experience as there are not many travelers on this route. Sometimes it feels like it is only you- solo- on the trek.

3. As hard as it may sometimes be, it is also during these times that you come face to face with yourself. And then true magic can begin. A whole new world opens up, an inner world that you might have avoided for a long time. You might rediscover long-buried parts of yourself, or other parts entirely that you have never met.

4. Living consciously is also closely tied to living authentically. I wrote in my journal on day 100 earlier this year that "I have never lived more authentically in my life (except maybe in my childhood) than I am living now". I am 52 years old, so that's a lot of years not being true to myself. Not casting blame or beating myself up (what's the point in that?), just something I've noted!

5. Some days I feel exhausted from feeling all of my feelings all the time, and I start to fantasize about numbing out with several glasses of chilled white wine, or a smooth, voluptuous red. But that doesn't last too long anymore because I am better able to distinguish fantasy from reality these days. And the coolest thing ever about this journey is all that stuff I read about feelings not lasting forever... is true! If you wait out yucky or uncomfortable feelings a bit longer than you think you are able to handle, you suddenly realize they've diminished in intensity or disappeared altogether. I never get tired of this.

6. Finally, I'm aware that I am a baby on this journey. There are millions of other souls on the planet who have also chosen to live consciously, for their own reasons, and many who are much further along than I am. I am in awe of, and inspired by, these people.

    So here I am, eleven months in, trying to live my truth every day, and definitely learning so much about myself, others and life as I go...